If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
