He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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