these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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