i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
