So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize