Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize