I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize