What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
