this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize