Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize