In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
