Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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