Is it because I queefed?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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