I need help removing her.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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