I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
