please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
