my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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