Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Randomize
