Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
