If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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