Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
