I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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