Whatcha textin bout Willis?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
