they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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