my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
