My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
