so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
