I got chris browned last night
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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