Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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