I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm really busy with my period
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