she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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