i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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