Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
