So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
This can only be settled by a dance off.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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