tell your sister to shave her snatch
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
