I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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