i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
