I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
