i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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