East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
