And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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