Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize