He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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