you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
