I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Randomize
