i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just got carded by a ten year old.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
