dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
