apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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