I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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