YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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