So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
i believe in u and ur pee
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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