What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
