i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
