Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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