omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
