I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
