Your dad touched me again.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
