Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
3pm strippers are depressing
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
