If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
