i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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