Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Randomize
