You just made me feel so damn special
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
