i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
