TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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