Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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