I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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