dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize