so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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