I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
