how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
