What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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